~~ [A Year In Prompts]: Here’s your nose! ~~

Originally written on Nov 13 2018

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Okay, am just back from a short 3 day Diwali vacation. Like any festival laced vacation, it was quite hectic and eventful.  And before I start today’s rant, let me thank everyone who responded for my previous prompt in organization blogspace.  Thank you people 🙂 Also, for those who are yet to write, there are no timelines, so you can still post for the previous prompt 🙂

So, back to this post, as I sit in the bus now and draft this, I cannot help but wonder about what exactly triggers a few random people to come into your life (a life which was non-existent to them until that very conversation, a life that they know nothing about, except for the once in a blue moon customary smiles accompanied by a “hi” here and a “bye” there) and then immediately start a conversation, provide expert advises and pass judgement directing focus on your personal life decisions. What makes them do it? How do they do it? Why do they do it? Why is it that these random people do not realize that their long bulky nosy noses are not welcome in anyone’s personal lives, specially, when they are not even an acquaintance of sorts?

For the uninitiated, most of the times, the poking-nose-in-your-business-cycle goes like this –

If (Single) – When are you getting married?

If (Married) and (No babies yet) – When are you giving us the good news? You are not getting any younger, you know?

If (Married) and (Mother of a single baby) – When are you giving us the good news, yes, the second time? It is important to have a sibling for your child to learn to share, care etc. otherwise the child just grows up selfish. See that’s why I had two..

If (Married) and (Mother of two kids) – Two kids? Don’t you realize how difficult it is to maintain this lifestyle with two kids? How will you manage work, two kids, family all at the same time? How will your husband manage expenses if you quit? Are you not concerned about the sky-rocketing education costs? This generation, no planning at all.

No, if you think the cycle ends there, that’s a big NO, its a never ending infinite loop of their plans for your life. I don’t know if men face these questions as much as women do – If you do face it, my sympathies with you, if you don’t, you are lucky, like you mostly are when it comes to these discussions!

A mommy of a single kid will always be at the receiving end of questions around “Second baby?” multiple times – and me being in that category, I have had my share one too many times. Believe me, this question starts even before you leave the hospital post your first baby delivery.

This time, it kind of tested my patience. It was from a person, I am not friends with, nor I share any kind of camaraderie. And the whole time through the conversation, all I could think was, what made this person so comfortable to ask me these questions in the first ever long conversation I had with her. She had advises about how it is important to have second kid, and if at all I feel the second kid is overwhelming to look after along with the first one, I should leave my first kid with my in-laws or parents and just take care of the second kid 🙄  – How I should quit job to settle with 2 kid family as working post 2 kids might be difficult, – How even now I should opt for WFH for 15 days in a month to take care of my first kid rather than being dependent on my mom to support me during my absence at home due to work – How she “wishes” to see me happily leading a perfect life with 2 kids, blah blah and some more blah. There were many more such expert advises thrown about – However, I lost it at the “wishing” part. I dont know her at all, nor does she know me. This is my first ever proper conversation with her. The “Wish to see my perfect life with 2 kids” was beyond my understanding as she has her own married kids for whom she can wish for “Perfect life”. I did point it out to her in the most polite way possible, with a smile intact on my face. But that still did not deter her  – she was beyond that subtle sarcasm.

Now, my response to these questions varies with the mutual trust I share with the person asking these very personal questions to me. I am okay if this kind of conversation is with my parents, sibling, close friends, a well meaning colleague, close set of relatives or cousins, you get what I mean, because I know they are going to understand whatever I say and not judge me or compare me. It will not be an infinite loop of advises and opinions. To have or not to have are decisions best left to the couple as they and only they know what works for them. And whatever the decision is, I know that the people I am okay with these kind of personal conversations, will support me in these decisions. I will also be perfectly okay with advises from people who have seen me grow, who have been around when I was in need, who have been with me through my ups and downs – and believe me, if I respect you enough, I myself may ask you for an advise without hesitation.

However, what appalls me is when people who are random strangers who haven’t even spent an hour in your life suddenly feel this urge and think that they have all the right to ask you these deeply personal questions and judge you for your decision, whatever the decision is. I haven’t been able to understand the reasoning behind this kind of intrusion of personal space by strangers and the lack of respect towards someone’s personal space.

At some level, I do understand that as human beings, we tend to be opinionated and judgmental, we are free to form our opinions from the first impressions we get – but why is that we do not understand that these impressions can be superficial, that, there might be million layers to peel before you reach the core of a person and a million reasons for a person to decide whatever they decided on sensitive topics like this?  Why is it that these well meaning strangers are not sensible enough to judge their place in someone’s personal life and refrain from providing advises unless they have been explicitly asked? Why?

I do not have an answer yet – if you do, let me know. All I do know is that I have not and will not ask a stranger these questions and make them uncomfortable during the whole conversation.

Anyways, so, as a prompt this week – inspired by this recent experience, I would like you to write a story around an uncomfortable conversation between 2 characters. The story should have only these 2 characters. One of them is tooooo nosy and the other one doesn’t like it.  Personal experience, Fiction, Fiction inspired by personal experience, happy or sad or angry ending, cliffhangers, topic of the conversation between characters – I leave all these aspects to you, the writer, to decide.

Go on, write and leave a link here for your post.