~~ Letting go ~~

Its been a while since I wrote anything. Of course, I mean in this space. Lots of thoughts to pen down but somehow life has been a busy blur and to add to it, the realization that probably nobody reads these kind of stuff anymore and there wont be like minded people commenting anymore has dulled the enthusiasm to keep writing. Yet, here I am, after such a long hiatus, finally doing what I love, write my heart out.

So, what finally made me write again? Well, the blog itself, if I can say so. 

Having stepped into the last week of December 2021, all happy and feeling free as I had just completed 2 marathon nerve wracking written exam weekends of my master's exams (written, yes, there are still written exams) and after resting for 2 days, and with my daughter's school re-opening without a long Christmas vacation this time, I cancelled my planned leave and logged back in for work. As I write this, I am thankful I cancelled my leave and logged in that day - because, if I had not, I would have missed the email that one of my dear blogger friends, had sent across that the organization blog space was going to be retired by December 2021.  I felt numb, almost immediately. I couldn't believe it at first. But the realization slowly creeped in. A space which was so near and dear to me and has been for a very very long time and which was the only thing probably other than the location constraint that kept me bound to the organization, was going to be shut down, just like that. I had only a few more days left to salvage what I could. 

I remember looking at the email with utter disappointment and shock 😞😟😔😔  The next few days went in a blur of raising multiple tickets expressing disappointment and directions to get probable backups as I had never managed to sync that space with this space of mine. But it was not just about backups or the syncing, I just couldn't believe that the space that had a beautiful footprint of various moments of me writing my heart out, knowing there will be comments by various loyal like minded readers, various friendships made over these comments which are still going strong to this day was going to be just torn down.  

The space was renamed multiple times throughout my tenure, but the essence of it remained. It was this beautiful, wonderful space filled with positivity and inspiring people. It had always been that silent loyal friend, a reason for those numerous laughs from the funny comments, had been a sounding board for all my rants, the first space where my stories took shape and where I wrote my heart out as I knew I would never be judged, a space where I made so many friends. Numerous like minded souls connected over that space and I won't be wrong to say that if there is one thing that fellow bloggers felt bad when leaving the organization - it was leaving that blogspace. 

I was trying to read some of my old posts and comments at about 10:30pm on Dec 31st night(Yes, that's how my last day of year 2021 was spent), when suddenly the site stopped responding. I was not sure if the shutdown process had begun, but I couldn't bear it that I almost witnessed the site being taken down. I had this empty sad look on my face, my husband who had seen me, just minutes ago, smiling (at the post and the comments) asked me what went wrong when I suddenly went pale - I told him about the site being shut down, he obviously couldn't understand the pain I felt of letting that space go, and he just looked at me blankly not knowing what to say. Probably only a fellow blogger will understand the pain or may be I was just over reacting. I don't know. But it did pain me immensely.

Anyways, having gone through that, I realized that day how much I missed writing and that I need to use this space more. Comments or no comments, I knew, I should continue to write.. I have too many things on my plate right now, but I will make it a point to write here often this year!! 

Lets see how I go...